1. You sing Happy Birthday to Jesus on Christmas.

2. You haven’t talked to your only son in 8 years because he missed church because
he was in the hospital after being in a severe accident involving a wooden spoon.

3. A suicide bombing is penciled in your weekly planner.

4. Although you agree WWII took countless lives of innocent people, somehow you can
still understand where Hitler was coming from.

5. Anything fun has become the work of the Devil.

6. You’ve never been able to justify any of the Ten Commandments with logic.

7. Your theory of Evolution explains why the New Testament is better than the Old
Testament.

8. You consider all other life forms existence in our infinite universe as
gibberish, yet you are convinced you are being watched by an invisible man in the
sky.

9. You find George Carlin’s comedy boring, unoriginal and indecently unwitty.

10. You know the answer to the infamous question, “What came first, the chicken or
the egg?”.

11. You feel it is irrelevant to ask if God can create a mountain he cannot move.

12. You truly believe under the right circumstances, a group of sober, level headed
people really could witness someone walk on water.

13. You not only believe in Armageddon, you actually look forward to participating
in it.